I ate a worm today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because the worm sang (daily) to me; as though I was some sort of iconic cancer of the finger no less. I had to show the worm who was boss, and exacted my revenge mercilessly.
I began slowly by pinching my finger nails together closely, and pinced just behind the rear of center of the worm's skin. He began to writhe in pain. Ha ha ha. I've got you now you little devil. Then in an act of cruelty, I put Samuel (that was the worm's name you see) over a blender and dropped him!!
... Luckily, I had placed a piece of glass below so that he would be saved from being cut into a million pieces. But the torture was great, for fear had surely now set into his mind. I'm not sure if it was slim or pee, but he left evidence of the 'drop' on the glass.
I then tied him down on a popsicle stick with twist-ties and turned on a lamp. He squirmed as his belly began to fry like a blond would on the beach. The more he turned red, the more pink bellies I gave him. He begged me to stop; so I did... I had other plans in store for him.
As I gently removed him from the popsicle stick, I apologized for being such a jerk to him. That I was really just expressing repressed feelings of my childhood, and that he was being treated as a pawn for the evils that had been bestowed up me from years past... The truth was though that I was getting even with him for being such a jerk to me.
As I helped him up again, I accidentally crushed his wife (worms are hermaphrodites after all and have a male end, and a female end) between my thumb and forefinger. She had nothing to do with our spat. She had been begging for us to stop fighting all along, but I grew tired of her. So squish, she was gone. Samuel began to weep. He had lost his one true love...
Meanwhile back at the farm: I laughed an evil laugh. Ha ha ha <-- Deep and evil laugh. I then came to flick him off the table with my middle finger, when out of no where he gets this super-worm-kungfu-strength from within and blocks the flick. I apparently had a battle on my hands!
So we start to duke it out, and he's doing all sorts of flips and stuff, and he even got in a few shots that hurt. Remember, this is just a worm. I know you may find some of this to be a bit of a stretch on the truth, but I assure you, this all happened!
So Samuel the kung fu-ninja-of-death, is whippin' around me and getting some shots in. I duck this super huge move he busts out, and catch him with a lucky left hook. Now I don't want to brag too much, but I have a mean left hook. Not too much can handle it. When I hit Samuel with this one, that worm flew back like in the Matrix subway scene between Neo and Agent Smith (Part 1). I then catch him with a flying elbow (Hulk Hogan style) and give him a nooggie until he submitted. I then continued with the worm humiliation...
Samuel had given up on all hope. He surely knew that I had won, and he, dealt the cruel hand of defeat. In one last heroic last breath, he bade me to 'Consider my recent past actions, and know that I was dammed to live with their memory until I too breathe my last breath; as I he was surely about to.' With that he fell limp in my palm.
I shed a tear, for I knew now that Samuel was correct about me all along. I was an iconic cancer of fingers, and he was symbolic of all that was good in the world. The only way to beat this diabolically nature of mine was to live as Samuel would have...
I thought about this for all of about 10 seconds, and decided to then ignore all of the evidence of me being 'bad' and I ate Samuel instead.
He made a good pate. A bit spicy though...